


pollo, a cacciatore

by intolerantlactose



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: F/M, merukomu madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intolerantlactose/pseuds/intolerantlactose
Summary: Meruem didn’t want to admit it, that he was of all things, jealous. Never in his life could he imagine being so utterly frustrated. He tried to put the situation far from his mind, maybe even attempt to forget this tragic turn of events. But alas, he would never cease to lament the way the love of his life was so cruelly snatched away from him. Everything had been fine until he came along. When Meruem had last expected it, a new man had made his way into Komugi’s life and refused to go, much to Meruem’s despair.Meruem attempts to woo Komugi by treating her to a lavish dinner on Christmas Eve.
Relationships: Komugi/Meruem
Comments: 7
Kudos: 44





	pollo, a cacciatore

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize in advance.

Meruem didn’t want to admit it, that he was of all things, jealous. Never in his life could he imagine being so utterly frustrated. He tried to put the situation far from his mind, maybe even attempt to forget this tragic turn of events. But alas, he would never cease to lament the way the love of his life was so cruelly snatched away from him. Everything had been fine until  _ he  _ came along. When Meruem had least expected it, a new man had made his way into Komugi’s life and refused to go, much to Meruem’s despair.

“She’s not dead! What are you, a grieving widow? Just talk to her!” Pitou’s voice cried over the phone.

Meruem started. Had he accidentally voiced his lamentations aloud? He often spoke with Pitou, but never had he been absentminded enough to spill his inner thoughts to her. He shook his head to clear his mind, before putting his phone on speaker and setting it on the bathroom counter to adjust his tie. 

“You don’t understand. Her heart belongs to another man.” He replied somberly.

“And who is this man? What does he have that you don’t?”

“Her heart, Pitou, I thought I made that much perfectly clear.”

“So what? You’re handsome and stoic and albeit a little intimidating, but at your core you are kind. The way things are going between the two of you, I’m positive that she feels something for you. I can see it in the way she looks at you, and I don’t blame her, considering the fact no one pulls off a suit and tie quite as nicely as you do, Mr. CEO.” Pitou finished with a Cheshire-like grin that Meruem didn’t need to see to feel through the phone. Meruem huffed a little laugh, giving himself a once over in the mirror. He looked well put together, classy. Perfect for the Christmas Eve dinner date he had scheduled with Komugi. 

“Komugi wouldn’t judge someone off their salary. She isn’t the type to let her heart be swayed by something so superficial.”

Pitou let out an exasperated sigh. Meruem seemed determined to wallow. “Sir, with all due respect, you haven’t left your apartment in a week. I’ll ask you one last time: who is this man and what’s he got on you?”

Meruem’s hesitation was palpable, but after a few moments passed he said in an uncharacteristically small, yet completely serious voice, “His name is Prince Sprinkles and he’s more of a man than I’ll ever be.”

The silence was deafening, lasting an uncomfortable few minutes.

“Sir, you’re going to have to explain.”

For the next few minutes, Pitou listened to what was admittedly one of the most downright bizarre stories she had ever heard. Apparently, Komugi had recently acquired a service animal. A silkie rooster, which the young blind woman affectionately dubbed Prince Sprinkles. Meruem had initially resisted entertaining the idea of a ‘seeing-eye chicken’, as it was simply too bizarre. But the strange bird genuinely seemed to help her, as it would cluck in warning whenever Komugi was about to bump into something or someone. Komugi also seemed to enjoy the companionship, constantly holding or petting or talking to the chicken. The companionship that had previously belonged to Meruem. Seeing how happy interacting with the strange little animal made her, Meruem could not bring himself to protest. Externally.

“So let me get this straight... you lost your girl to a chicken?”

This time, Meruem did not miss a beat. “Yes.” 

He heard something that sounded suspiciously like a snicker. Pitou paused, presumably to collect herself before continuing. “Well then, asking her out was a good call. You can’t have animals in a restaurant after all.” 

“Exactly. You’re right.” Meruem said. He tried to relax as he grabbed his coat and keys. He was oddly nervous about spending time one-on-one with Komugi after going so long with Prince Sprinkles acting as their medium of sorts. 

“Don’t worry, sir. I’m sure a romantic holiday dinner date is the perfect way to win her heart back. I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it.” Pitou remarked, trying her best to sound serious and encouraging. They exchanged goodbyes, Meruem feeling calmer and more confident after Pitou’s reassurance. Without further ado, he left his apartment to go pick up Komugi.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Meruem. Really, there was no need to go to such lengths for me.” Komugi murmured as she settled into her chair, her cheeks a rosy pink. Soft music played in the background, mingling with the murmuring chatter of the other guests. Waiters dressed professionally in black and white bustled to and fro, staying nearby without being overbearing. The cityscape, blanketed in continuously falling snow, was spread out before them in large windows surrounded by long, elegant drapes.

Meruem reached across the table for her hand, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Nonsense. You deserve only the finest and I refuse to have it any other way,” Komugi’s blush deepened at his words, a small smile finding its way to her lips. Suddenly she felt more at ease.

“Now, what would you like to eat? Surely a warm meal will do us both good.” Meruem scanned through the menu, searching for something to chase the winter chill from their bones.

Meruem had waited in anticipation for this moment. Komugi’s time had been monopolized for so long, that he found himself craving even just a sliver of quality time with her. He had reserved a table at the elegant Italian restaurant far in advance, hoping for the chance to take Komugi to dinner and have her all to himself.

A waiter approached, interrupting Meruem’s train of thought. “Good evening, what may I get started for you tonight?”

“I would like the pollo alla cacciatora. May I have your wine list?”

“Of course, sir. And for you madame?”

Komugi smiled at the sound of the waiter’s voice. “I would like some alfredo, but not chicken. And a salad on the side, please... No dressing, it doesn’t sit well with his stomach.” 

Meruem’s expression fell just after the man walked away to fill their orders. “Komugi… who is the salad for?” A pit of dread began to form in his stomach.

“Prince Sprinkles, of course!” Komugi said, much to Meruem's horror. He tried and failed to keep the disappointment off his face as Komugi leaned over in her beautiful red dress, reaching into the bag he had neglected to notice her bring. 

Komugi cradles Prince Sprinkles in her arms for a moment before setting him directly onto the table. The fluffy white bird was Komugi’s recently acquired service companion, fitted with a small bowtie for the Christmas occasion well suited for fine dining. Apparently, Prince Sprinkles had stowed away in Komugi’s bag. Preoccupied with finally being in Komugi’s company, Meruem had failed to anticipate this attack. The chicken had blind-sided him again. A fool he was for overlooking this possibility.

The waiter passed by once again, handing Meruem a copy of the wine list without giving Prince Sprinkles so much as a passing glance.

Meruem sat slack-jawed as the well-dressed man once again went on his way. Surely he had not just permitted the chicken to remain standing in the middle of the fine linen tablecloth? Said devil had settled directly in front of Komugi.

He should be admiring the face of his love as they dined together, not competing with a chicken for her attention. Meruem glared daggers at the demon avian. Making eye contact was clearly a mistake, as Prince Sprinkles stared back with equal malevolence. 

“Would you like anything to drink, Komugi?” Meruem asked after clearing his throat, trying to catch a glimpse of his companion. It was difficult to tell where the chicken’s feathers ended and Komugi’s unruly white hair began.

“How about Chardonnay?” Meruem agreed, ordering the same for himself.

“And what about you, my lovely Prince Sprinkles? Water, surely?” Komugi said.

The chicken clucked quietly in response, which made Komugi giggle. 

Meruem averted his eyes from the exchange and immersed himself in the wine list, but he could not shield himself from the coos falling from Komugi’s lips. With each “You’re so cute!” and “Such a good boy!” Meruem felt himself grow sick to his stomach.

Things got no better as they waited for their food. Komugi continued to coo over Prince Sprinkles, and Meruem listened awkwardly while gradually sinking further into his seat. After about twenty minutes of agony, the waiter returned once more, this time with their dinners in tow. 

“Here you are, and I will bring your wine out right away. Enjoy.”

A wicked grin formed on Meruem’s face as the plate of perfectly-cooked chicken was set in front of him.

“This smells heavenly!” Komugi exclaimed, moving Prince Sprinkles from the tabletop to her lap to eat. Meruem was relieved to finally see her smiling face in full. She really did light up when she was excited. Nonetheless, his gaze locked onto Prince Sprinkles as he took a large, deliberate bite of the cacciatora. He wondered to himself how Prince Sprinkles had become so tame, for although it seemed to be glaring at him, it sat otherwise calm and still in Komugi’s lap. 

Immediately, Prince Sprinkles sprung forward, snatching a piece of chicken clean off of the fork previously on its way to Meruem’s mouth. Meruem snarled, lunging across the table for the demon bird as it scrambled back to its place in Komugi’s embrace.

“No, Prince Sprinkles! Have some manners, no walking on the table when food is out. You know that, silly.” Komugi chided gently. She took a bite of her pasta before setting down her fork to run her hand soothingly through the chicken’s feathers. Meruem simply watched in jealousy. 

_ Well played, bird _ , Meruem thought begrudgingly.

How to get rid of the chicken, just for the night? Although he would prefer to permanently dispose of Prince Sprinkles, maybe in the form of a nice chicken dinner such as he was having tonight, he knew Komugi would never forgive him if he harmed her precious pet. 

“Meruem? Are you alright?” Komugi asked, completely oblivious to the all-out warfare taking place over her affections. 

Meruem sighed, falling back into his seat. “I’m fine, dear. How is your food?”

“It’s delicious! Thank you again for bringing me to such a wonderful restaurant. I feel like royalty.” Komugi said sweetly. Meruem softened at the look of pure bliss on her face. She truly was beautiful, the low light present in the dining room giving her a subtle and pleasant glow. At least one of them was having a good time. 

He reached for her hand again, only for Prince Sprinkles to lash out and deal him a warning nip. He hissed in pain, quickly reassuring Komugi that he had simply hit his knee on the table and not to worry.

Prince Sprinkles had turned its head to the side to stare at him, surely challenging him. How could Komugi favor such a creature? It was an insult to his pride. Meruem refused to believe Komugi understood the heathen’s true nature. It had just proved itself a cannibal, while she was none the wiser. It seemed it took advantage of her sightless eyes to move in stealth.

Prince Sprinkles might have captured Komugi’s attention for now, but Meruem refused to give up. If he was going to be forced to share his night, then- 

No. He wouldn’t share this night with that piece of meat. The reservation, the timing, everything had been carefully planned to make him, above all others, the man that Komugi would choose.

Meruem had to get rid of him.

He slid his plate towards the center of the table, watching as Prince Sprinkles seemed to follow the movement. “Goodness, I’m already feeling full. Maybe Sprinkles could help me finish my meal?” 

Komugi’s thick brows furrowed. “Already? Well, we wouldn’t want you to run out of room for dessert! I’m sure Prince Sprinkles wouldn’t mind helping. Alright, you can go on the table, but only this once.” Komugi said while feeling for an empty stretch of the tablecloth to rest the bird. Prince Sprinkles eyed Meruem’s food but made no move towards it. Fine, all the better for his plan.

“I’m feeling a bit warm, I think I’ll ask to open a window,” Meruem remarked, waving someone over and making his request.

He pretended not to notice as Prince Sprinkles slowly approached the food before all but devouring the plate of cacciatora. Unnerving as that was, now was his chance to strike. Meruem surged forward, grabbing Sprinkles and trying to contain its disgruntled squawks. He beelined for the open window, promptly reaching through it and dropping the chicken into the winter night. He closed the window slowly and calmly, savoring the chickens' indignant squawks and panicked flapping faded into nothing. They were only two stories off the ground, so _ unfortunately _ the fall wouldn’t be fatal. Nevertheless, the deed was done.

The waiter caught his eye as Meruem returned to the table, nonchalantly pouring wine into both of their glasses. Long enough to indicate he knew what Meruem had done, but saying nothing of it. An accomplice.

The remainder of the dinner passed smoothly, Meruem finally being able to enjoy time with Komugi. Just the two of them. After finishing their food and indulging in a small dessert, they decided to walk the streets to settle their stomachs.

In honor of Christmas Eve, the lights hung from almost every building, illuminating the streets in a festive glow. Although Komugi couldn’t see this, the sounds of holiday music and people bustling cheerily around was a present in itself. Snow continued to fall, although lighter than the earlier flurry. Komugi squeaked when a particularly large snowflake landed on her nose and began to melt. Meruem chuckled as she rubbed frantically at her reddened nose, admiring the way more snowflakes caught in her messy hair and sparkled. 

In the end, they walked to the car arm in arm, until Meruem moved to open the passenger door so Komugi could get in. Komugi released her hold on Meruem’s bicep, letting her fingers slide to his chest in favor of gripping his tie and tugging him into a quick kiss. Meruem couldn’t resist the way the corners of his lips twitched up. He had worn a silk tie on purpose because he knew Komugi enjoyed feeling the smoothness of its fabric when they embraced like this. They lingered in each other's space for a moment before parting, warm breath sending cloud-like swirls into the chilly night air.

“Meruem, this is the best Christmas Eve I’ve ever had. There's no one else I'd rather spend the holidays with. You make me feel special. Truly you are the only man for me. ” 

Komugi’s words were punctuated by a chorus of sniffles. Her nose was running, likely due to the biting cold, and she had a bit of alfredo smeared on her chin from dinner, but at that moment she couldn’t have looked any more beautiful to Meruem.  _ Take that, bird brain _ , he thought to himself as he pulled Komugi close once more, wiping the white sauce from her skin. 

A series of warning clucks emitted from inside the car. Meruem froze. 

“Oh, there you are Prince Sprinkles! Meruem, he was waiting in the car the whole time!” Komugi exclaimed.

“How wonderful, dear.” He said through gritted teeth. 

Princess Sprinkles was miraculously settled in the back seat, as though awaiting their return.

Unfortunately, a chicken could live for up to ten years. Prince Sprinkles’ reign of terror would continue for maybe even a decade. How lucky. Meruem allowed himself to sulk for a moment as he closed Komugi’s door, slid into the driver's seat, and started the car. He turned on the heater and began to carefully navigate the snowy streets, glancing now and then at Komugi who looked content to be sitting beside him within the cozy interior of the car. Eventually, her hand came to rest over his, Princess Sprinkles remaining oddly silent as her warm touch thawed his icy fingers. Meruem felt affection well up in his chest, Komugi's words from before echoing in mind as he carefully navigated the snowy streets.

_ You are the only man for me _ . 


End file.
